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get your stuff done here and die

[UPDATE 08.19.12: check out this link to read more about limeybikes]

Say you’ve got an old metric motorcycle. Say you need some help with it. Carburetors gunky? Too much travel in your forks? Built an XS650 chopper but have no idea what the concept of “sh*t rolls downhill” means?

It means you’re not a plumber.

Limey is a mechanic. He says he’s an “extraordinary” one, actually.

Say you have an old Triumph and you can’t find a tool that locks onto anything on your bike besides a vise grip. The Trump isn’t metric and it isn’t standard and F**K! it’s ******* you off.

Limey has the tools for that. For a thousand bucks an hour. Just kidding.

So what? Here’s what. He’s in Austin and has a British accent that sounds like he went to college. Ship him your **** and he’ll polish it for only fifty bucks. Suddenly it’s worth a thousand dollars an ounce and looks twice as good. Suddenly this chick has your back.

Once I heard some dude tell somebody on his cricKet phone that he felt “like a thousand bucks.” I wanted to tell him he was worth nine hundred and ninety-nine thousand bucks more, but the concept of one million bucks seemed to be beyond his comprehension and I didn’t want to get into a fight. What does this have to do with Limey? Something, I’m sure.

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