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23 freaky nipple garglers

it’s been over a month since i thanked all the noobs. we’ve had 23 members click to follow bikerMetric in that time. it is the first of many regrettable decisions these folks will make. to begin, some music to set the tone:

thanks for the vid, björn. now on to the new guys, the members of my mad metric army, the cheap freaks, the national security threats.

first on the list is Mad Crow. these are spanish cats from barcelona, friends of alex’s at el diablo, and builders of clean motorbikes in all shapes and sizes. they paint suff, too. check out their site at mad crow garage to see pix and info of their work and lives. thanks for the follow!

KingpinNZ is a dude named brett from new zealand. he’s a f***ing designer (ha!) and owner of lotus streetwear. he’s also got a cool blog filled with pix he’s taken of interesting automobiles called “i snapped.” i know how you feel, brett. i snap every once in a while, too. right on.

TZE is an indonesian cat who would have you believe he’s a gigolo. good for him. seriously though, thanks for the follow, man. hope you have fun. and remember, always hide a handcuff key in a hidden pocket. i do.

and now for something about cops and the false power they exercise over people in the name of “terror.” i propose that the terrorists are the bankers, the corporate rapists of our natural resources, and cops.

“i wish to remain anonymous as is my right under section 44 of the terrorist act.” “i refuse to be searched! as a sovereign british citizen.” “what is the definition of terrorism?” “you cannot search me under section 44.” the police function to benefit the people, not the state.

“if we were all just drones, it would be very dangerous.” but can i hug you? i love it. knowledge is power. good job guys!

the next dude who thought something here was worth keeping tabs on is Big D.

VH: eddie van halen follows bikerMetric, it seems. have you seen junior’s grades?

garage UristaniRC seems to be a guy who follows a ton of blogs. thanks for digging the dirt i toss in many a face here, man.

rooster is like gurc above. not much to tell other than he reads a lot of biker blogs and this is one of them. when i first saw rooster sign up, i thought of that great alice in chains song and i sang to myself, “here comes punky brewster, oh yeah! here, here’s punky brewster…. OH YEAH! you know she ain’t gonna die!” yeah. thanks for hanging around, man.

jsalamanca strikes me as a spanish/mexican dude who follows a handful of spanish-speaking blogs about organic farming, a medical blog, a mexican news site from guadalajara, another about the “revolutions” that are happening in the middle-east which seem to be spreading to loud dissent in even europe. then he follows bikerMetric.

it’s very cool to be included in such a wide range of interesting websites, but i believe the mid-east “revolutions” are propaganda managed by corporate interests. the dude who fomented egypt’s is a high-ranking google employee. he’s not the common man. he’s a corporate man. as much as i wanted to believe when it started, it’s dead and under military rule as it was before. meet the new boss. same as the old boss.

these “revolutions” are put-ons that take power from an old family/royalty and replace it with military-industrial complex bankers and corporations who have no more interest in freedom for the people than the regimes they not-so-subtly helped overthrow.

zvrooman: no picture. no info. follows only bikerMetric. spy.

parman345: see above.

those pants have got to be jabbing him in the crotch

Pat Undeath seems like a reagular biker guy getting his feet wet in the interweb. one of the blogs he follows is the 2-stroke bike blog. i’m wondering if that’s a euphemism for a group of bikers with premature *********** issues.

bereal is a dutch woman who digs motorbikes. i’m always pleased that my sometimes chauvinistic tendencies don’t scare all the smart women riders and builders away. thanks for stopping in, bereal. i’ll be real, too.

Telekinesis says “hurt all bankers. seriously. go into your bank. ask for the manager.  **** on him. go home. make macaroni & cheese.”

whew. i just put on my tin foil hat. better now. sorry about that. gotta hurry up for my meeting with superman.

Gatlin is an artsy guy. i found this on one of the blogs he follows. looks like art for the bike messenger, the urban worker, the “f**k you i’m gonna be an artist” art. yeah.

Sirocco is a russian dude who rides a 1972 dnepr mt9. i wish i had more photos, but this is the only one on his blog.

for fans of tracker bikes, Danang Pandu has you covered. he has everything you want and if not, just wait. it will show. check out bonnefication and dig the glory that is the perfect apocalyptic escape machine.

i believe Mgt Bobber is a malaysian cat. i dig malaysia and have plans to visit next year, hoping to ride bikes and scooters, drink beer, and eat good malay food with many bM readers and bike builders. thanks for digging what’s happening here, mgt. i swear all the pix from september backward will return. there are a lot of small-bore bikes you may dig when i stick it up google’s **** and go to wordpress this week.

Roy is a two-wheel junkie. i don’t think wheels go up your nose easily. he’s got a blog called ramblings lost in time that’s not much more than **** and bikes, with the occasional outlaw’s tombstone. hm. is this a harbinger of my fate? no way! i am infinite as long as i keep having babies with my bevy of prostitutes. my kids’ll be f***ing angry and know how to speak proper english and operate a firearm. punks. now mow my lawn.

you’d think i listed the next guy on purpose after yoinking the last image from roy, but it’s not so. i listed the new members in order of them signing up and then started their individual “thank you” paragraphs before checking out the next dude. i don’t have time for that much research. anyway, Woody is merely a coincidental moment of humor after the last image. for that, he gets the bikerMetric LIVE FOR THE MOMENT award:

the burrito bros have a blog. it’s called burrito bros customware. i was hoping for eating utensils that doubled as ninja killing devices, but no. it’s a german dude and his pals who seems to be great f***ing designers (ha!) with killer t-shirts, but i can’t finger out how to get one. mr. burritio! help! i want a “grid b**ch” t-shirt!

i can’t figure Pawanvaz out. maybe it’s that i’ve been working for 14 hours and the eight beers since 6pm have worn me down. i am obviously not drinking fast enough but i promised myself i wouldn’t drink the entire 12-pack tonight. so there are three to go and that leaves one for tomorrow if i drink only three more. that’s not drinking the whole thing tonight. take that, literal interpretation!

Calabash lives in the south and will do so until he dies. he doesn’t live far from my home base in knoxville, where i visit every month or two for a week or a weekend since late april after a long stay. where he lives is actually beautiful country, as i’ve had the liberty to explore it past the bull***t dollywood strip mall blight that dominates a portion of his area. once you get out of the hideous towns, the world reveals a glorious stream of creation as man was meant to live within.

bill is a mental health counselor and i’m sure my drunken rants amuse him greatly. it’s always cool to have an educated biker reading my half-a**ed s**t. thanks for signing up, man. holler at me if you want to have a beer and talk of guerrilla ontology.

car99r is the latest crazy man to post his info – no matter how slim, you can be tracked – with us at bikerMetric. chris lives in chicago and is a manufacturing supervisor at a company that does everything from print books to move freight such as automobiles. i guess they use trains sometimes. interesting. second time i posted an image and the next member of the mad metric army relates to it.

i’m doing something right. whoda thunk it?

not dudes with “chopper” in their name or others who f**k chicks with forehead tattoos.

i am trent reker.

now i know i’m gonna get beat up when i visit los angeles this summer. yeah. the deal with that is you might be able to wail my a**, but what will i take with me to remind you forever of how close it was? i suggest to possible assailants that they wear medieval-style ******* cups. yeah, it will hinder your movement and you might get some wear on the inside of your thighs, but you’ll still have d*ck to ********** with later.

a man of renown never gets noticed without making enemies. i need to modify my ratio of friend-to-hater. therefore, to all who visit and talk ****, f**k you. you still come here to see what’s happening. and these men and women i thank tonight for digging my **** are definitely happening.


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  1. boobies!!!…and motorcycles of course…i saw those there too. but mainly BOOBIES!!!

  2. you can stick it to the corporate man, and you can stick it in many other places. thanks, ed.

  3. I am very proud of the comment on my motorcycle garage.
    thank you very much Trent. “support your local garage” GO!!

  4. right on, mad crow. keep doing it your way. thanks for your support.

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