Home / Uncategorized / win a pair of zombie performance handlebars | WON!

win a pair of zombie performance handlebars | WON!

we’ve got a contest going on, metric mofos. see this?

free custom burrito-style handlebars by zombie performance

they’re zombie performance “burrito” bars. they’re 1″ but steffan can make them in 7/8″ if you need. they’re also 30″ wide, 4″ tall, and have a 1.5″ pullback with a 2″ drop.

the bottom is 6″ wide, which should be wide enough to clamp into the risers of any bike. after the bend, the ends of the bars are 9″ wide.

the winner can get them raw as you see here or powder coated black.

according to steffan, these bars are “just as delicious and dangerous as a fast food burrito!”

win custom handlebars by zombie performance

comment below and state why you need them. tell your sob story, or flatter me, whatever. leave your email address but don’t write it properly so spam spiders can pick it up. write it like this: trent at bikermetric dot com. make sense? good. i’m looking out for you suckers. that way i can email the winner, who will be chosen at my whim, so tell a good story.

that’s $130 worth of handlesharts obtained by simply practicing your writing skills for a minute. what a freaking deal.

the contest ends in two weeks, on monday, may 21 at 11:59pm.

good luck!

[EDIT 05.22.12: read about the winner HERE.]
burrito handlebars | zombie performance

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  1. The reason I need these bars is that I am broke!!!! I am about half way through with my dropseat xs650 and one thing that I need is a great set of bars like these.
    Troy Young

    brotroy at gmail.com

  2. Well Cap’n where do I start?
    Where I live, your only options for custom parts are either HD, or build ’em you ****** self. I’ve got a great big list ‘o parts that I have on my wish list, but until I find a company that sells enough of ’em to combine the shipping, it cost more to ship the ******* things than to actually buy them.
    International shipping on rims? forget it
    International shipping on a tank? fat ****** chance
    As for the sob story, here’s a snapshot of what happened to me this week:
    I was warned on fakebook for posting a tasteful image showing about an inch of **** crack, I got a little stroppy because they deleted it, so I posted 30 images of **** cracks, and got banned for 48 hours
    I got banned for a week from a bike builders forum for calling a guy who was acting like one, a ****
    Then, I was kicked out of the avenged sevenfold concert in Abu Dhabi for being in a mosh pit.
    Finally, I came home from the concert to find my room-mate Mike rolling around in fits of laughter and my goldfish Woof, stuck to the fishtank with the California fridge magnet.
    you see, Mike went to California a few months back, He wanted to make it as a foot model, but an unscrupulous agent took advantage of his naivety and told him if he wanted to make it in the foot model business, he would have to do something involving half a stick of salami, a pickled egg and three Uzbekistani midgets, Needless to say, he won’t order a sandwich in Uzbekistan any more.
    Long story short, he brings woof home a fridge magnet, but because his tank is made of glass the magnet wouldn’t stick, so I used tape to hold it there so he could see it.
    The problem is the vet said woof had an iron deficiency, so I added ground iron filings to his food, and every time he swam past the magnet, he got pulled up against the glass and got stuck.
    We laughed and laughed and laughed, until we saw that woof was actually quite upset at us for laughing at him, so I removed the magnet and put it on the fridge so he could still see it. Mike was still laughing, but he is mean like that
    Now everytime I come home, the magnet is back on the tank and woof is stuck against the glass, with Mike sitting on the sofa just laughing. That makes me mad, so I hit him on the nose with a rolled up copy of the Khaleej times and move the magnet back to the fridge. I think it makes woof cry when Mike puts the magnet on the tank, but because he is in water it’s hard to tell, although the tank does look a little more full
    Now the thing that scares me, is if goldfish do cry, could the salinity of Woof’s tears actually make the freshwater turn to salt water? You see, the average salt composition of human tears in parts per million (ppm) is 9,000, while the average salinity of sea water is 35,000 ppm, but there is no data to deny that goldfish could have a salinity content exceeding 50,000 ppm!
    I did taste the water to see if it was salty, but because I knew thats where Woof does wee-wees and poo-poos, I added some red cordial to take away the taste. Looking back it wasn’t a good idea to add the cordial to the tank, because now Woof is a funny red colour and the tank visability is now so low that late at night I can hear him swim into the glass. It is actually quite annoying as just as I am falling asleep, I am woken up by this “****-****” noise followed by what I can only expect is goldfishese for “******* glass!” and then the sound of Mike chuckling to himself. I tried wearing my earmuffs but they dig into the side of my head when I lay on my pillow.
    I don’t want to cut a hole in my pillow like a massage table so the earmuffs dont dig into me, so I have to put up with it until I buy some earplugs
    So Cap’n, hopefully now you can see why I need these bars, I need to save my pennys for for earplugs and research into whether goldfish cry, and if they do, what the salinity content of those tears is. As everyone I’ve approached for a research grant has hung up on me
    leigh dot pattinson at gmail dot com

  3. A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away I dreamt of building a custom bike using only parts from those who advertise on bikerMetric. I think I’ve got a few things covered: (bad-*** foot pegs, risers, grips, a tank, & some other bits), but I have this crazy theory that these bars *might* work much better than the dual Vice-Grip setup that I’ve experimented with unsuccessfully in the past.

  4. ****
    smithmotorworks at gmail dot com

  5. Im pretty sure I need these bars because im a cheap *** s.o.b and really dont want to give them away. If I win these, Im gonna turn them around on ebay and sell them for a million bucks and call them “period correct”. Then all the cool hipster cats that dont actually ride their bikes will buy them up because they think they are the next “in thing”.


  6. Man I was gonna enter but now I just want wokka to win. In either case I think I may have a solution for his earplug dilemma because we go through a lot of earplugs here in my shop. We can send him out a pair or 2 of lightly used and pre waxed earplugs via carrier pidgeon paid for out of our shop philanthropic fund which is now at an all time high of $3.17 and a small ball of navel lint (which BTW wokka, makes a pretty good earplug in a pinch)

  7. I want to win these bars for the project I am building at the moment.
    The project is called Bad Sushi, its a Suzuki GSX1100 that I am turning in to a bobber. There are only two main items I have not bought yet, a read fender and handle bars. These bars would look super sweet on Bad Sushi.
    Also I know how good Steffan makes his bars, my wife has bought two sets off him, the second set was because she crashed one week after fitting the first set and bent them beyond repair, to Steffan’s credit the welds all stuck firm.
    So please hook a brother up and send those sweet bars to me for Bad Sushi.
    my contact is petersheringham at gmail dot com
    cheers and stay upright everyone

  8. Why I need these bars .. Nothing on my Build has gone right from the get go. Ive been lugging the same engine around for 4 years(xs650), I got suckered twice on 2 frames with the dreaded B.O.S costing me close to 600$ for scrap metal. Finally located a titled main loop for another 250$ without shipping, Im about to drop another 325 for a hard tail .. and Ive yet to locate wheels and other Misc parts .. other than the 325 Im about to spend, Ive completely exhausted my funds finishing my girls 81 Brat so she can ride this summer .. (looks like Ill be riding ***** ) anyway anything that can move my build one step closer to finished is golden in my eyes

    Backspace.hehe at yahoo dot com

  9. I’m building a little CB250RS single on a tiny budget. (I’ve spent under £100 including the barn find bike covered in rust, to a runner including new battery, connectors, plug, fuel and other bits with lots of luck! How this is happening at all I have no idea! I’ve gone back to college full time to do motorcycle mechanics at my own expense with a loan, so my legit income is non-existent. To top it all off, on August the 10th, we have a child due, I turn 40 on the first of September and my son becomes a teenager on the 23rd! I would love to get this bike on the road and MOT’d for as little cash as possible. Any donations of cool bars, a solo seat, a side mount for the plate, and a mini Bates headlight would be great, ha ha! Cheers!

  10. I’ve never had a burrito; in fact I’m not really sure what one is. I’ve eaten lancashire hot pot, and I’ve had toad in the hole, I’ve even eaten frogs legs (By the way they are mank and they get served still with hip joint and half a spine) but any way, I could try a burrito if only I had some handle bars on my chop. May be some burritos bars perhaps?

    speed g at hot mail . co . uk

    p.s we eat some odd stuff over here. Things that you think will be wrong are great, and great sounding things are rubbish. Spotted **** is fab, hagis is tip top and black pudding will rock your world

  11. Thanks Ron, but seeing as I couldn’t find any earplugs, I used some blutac that I was using to hold up my signed David Hasselhoff poster that I drew, showing Mr Hasselhoff kicking Chuck Norriseses ***, I’m really proud of that drawing, Mr Hasselhoff hasn’t seen it yet, but I’ve been emailing him everyday to come over so I can show it to him and then he can trace over the signature that I did for him.

    Before you ask, I’m not going to sell it, but if I get enough interest, I may make a limited run of copies.

    Anyway, I cant get all the blutac out of my ears, so now people look at me funny cause I THINK I MIGHT BE SHOUTING.

    Woof’s water is slowly clearing up, but he is turning redder and redder, do you think if I add some blue cordial to the water now I can make him turn purple?

    Anyway, the offer of sending the earplugs by carrier pigeon might upset the ASPCA as it’s a ****** long flight from the States to my cave in the Middle East, and just the visas for the bird alone would run into the thousands, not to mention the danger pay you would have to cover for the risk of the brave little birdie getting taken out by anti-aircraft guns.
    Come to think of it, I couldn’t bear the death of a noble creature like that on my conscience, so if you do send the earplugs by pigeon Ron, don’t tell me, that way if he falls on delivery, I’ll never know and my conscience is clean.


  12. I had all sorts of clever stuff to write about aliens, naked aliens, how they might use handlebars, and why we need an extra set of bars for the Alien Abduction Bash.

    But after reading the above, it’s my sincere opinion that wokka should win.

  13. hey toast. need an email, man. thank you.

  14. Basically 3 weeks ago I found after 37 years my Dad isn’t really my dad. I know I’ve got at least 1 half brother out there as well. I can’t find any info on them. Ive been in a ****** mood ever since. I really want new bars, maybe it will motivate me to actually do some riding. down in flames at comcast dot net
    Jeff-Creeps Detroit-

  15. i want those bars bad and if you could bolt a z1300 kwak to them i’d really appreciate it…i just found out after 37 years my dad is called mike and he ***** up peoples goldfish………..

  16. I just want em. they are cool. mine suck. if I win I promiss to keep the old ones to beat the snot out of ******** who don’t seem to like to share the road with us. tom is the funniest ****** here,if he wins,thats also very cool.
    j can spray at hot mail dot com
    i’ll be in touch either way about some of those foot pegs. cheers cap’n

  17. I have loved Steffan’s work ever since I found it slogging through the Chop Cult. I have wanted these bars for a bike that I am going to buy. I suppose I could just give him a mouth hug on the crotch area in trade for a set of these bars…but I would rather just win them. Winning is better than going mouth to groin with another dude…Just saying. wolfdoc67 at gmail dot com

  18. The squarish head grey aliens tried to abduct me, you know – the ones who fill their ships with beautiful ***** tatooed strippers, or at least that is what they told me and I have no reason to doubt them. I was more than happy to go with them (see above about beautiful ***** tatooed strippers) on one condition. I told them I wouldn’t go without my bike. They took one look at it and laughed. They said my cheap superbike bars were **** and they wouldn’t allow something that cheesy on their intergallactic space plane.

    diggerdanh at yahoo dot com

  19. I think these would look wicked on my Honda Cb 125s

    I picked the little tike up for 400 and im trying to keep it cheap because I just got my electricity back on and im strapped after paying that chick back for the minor fender dent in the grocery lot I caused.
    My super fine chick will go loraina bobbet on me if I spend to much plus I like to brag about cheap builds like my last cb750 that I chopped for 600$ total and flipped for gas money to cali for 2500 lol

    MatthewL3uckman at Yahoo dot. Com
    also the bike is going to be a zombie preparedness. Concept
    MatthewL3uckman over at yahoo

  20. I need these bars because they are the only hope I have for making my current bike build just a little bit cool.

    I needed a little beater bike with good gas mileage to bomb back and forth to work on. So I’m building a Kawasaki KZ305 . It’s black with cream colored scallops painted with a rattle can, old solo seat that was laying around. Not looking to bad.

    But the stock bars were designed for a 70’s girls bike, the only thing missing was pink plastic streamers. So I heated them up with a torch and twisted them into a not so ****** shape and sprayed them with bedliner coating. Pretty sad looking but better than stock.

    Now honestly, could you in good conscience let me leave the yard looking like this?

    I also have a big mouth, if I’m rockin a cool set of Zombies you can bet the whole worlds gonna hear about how great they are.

  21. well hells bells; i was gonna write a long *** quasi-amusing story but topping whats already been done would be hard–ya’ll should have a prize for most fantastic rambling stream of conciousness tales of woe.. luckily i know the captain of our ship isn’t so easily swayed by sob stories, brown-nosing, etc.. (except maybe beer & po’ boys) so like a modern ishmael i think i’ll harpoon this ***** with honesty like the elusive moby ****.. i’ve got a 1980 XS650 that i’m transformimg into a tracker/brat/cafe type bike.. now i know exactly how it looks in my head, i’ve done tons of “inspirtational research” but i’m finding transforming the masterpiece in my head from the doner bike to the finished project is easier daid then done.. especially since i’m building it outside in my yard under a ghetto carport with limited handtools & an even more limited budget.. now i know most of us are in the same boat: even those with nice shops/garages & tools are hurting for cash & doing as much as possible ourselves on the cheap. my situation is not that unique: barely able to pay rent on my shack & keep the power on, livin’ on ramen noodles, taking less showers (my old ladys stoked on that) to save on water bills, etc.. like my peers i spend every doller i can scrape together on consumable materials & bike parts & make as much myself as possible given my tools & skill set.. in other words, the build is going slow. i was hoping to be riding by now but up here in the p.n.w. we only get maybe 4 mo’s of good weather & since i’m working outside this is prime build time.. i even quit my 20 yr pack a day tobacco jones so i could save that loot. yeah, it sucks but speaking of “sticking it to the corprate man” those suits in big tobacco industry can kiss my lily white ***. i know i’m rambling but i had to quit taking my a.d.d. meds too, as u may have guessed..haha please bear with me. so yeah the xs motor is a sprong runner, i’m sticking with the stock swingarm frame, i need new fork tubes or a whole differant front end, new shocks(which i can’t make), new seat(which i can), haven’t figured out lights but gonna keep the electrical system as simple as possible, wiring, new lith sealed battery, doing paint/powder myself, oh yeah & most importantly new bars & hand controls.. i would be so stoked to win these bars; the burrito bars are the coolest bars i’ve seen so far from steffan for a tracker/brat style bike.. his chopper bars are sick but these would be perfect for the stance/riding position on the upright riding position: they have a similershape as tracker/mx bars, only even cooler with the crossbar & extra height & pullback. sick. so yeah they’ll go perfect with a set of B.M. Junkie pegs in my mid mount XS brackets..haha ok well thats about it; good luck to everyone & thanks to steffan & trent for the giveaway.. oh yeah if i win steffan shipping will be cheap cuz i live one state noth of zombie performance..plus the beer will flow like water in nola & roseburg..haha thanks brothas f.t.w., jed k. {jedikemsley at g mail dot com}

  22. lots of reasons i honestly NEED .—-THEM — :)

    1st I am living in THailand and there is a lot of **** or NOTHING around what I can use to make my first chopper look not just good but GREAT

    2nd. Its my first REAL chopper and I fell in love with this 30zoll monsterburrito imidiately… unfortunately, even if I order one the costs for the transport is most more expensice than the parts i need…

    anyways, …. that was it…. since i am never lucky with any kind of lottery it was FUN dropping you a line :D

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